The Reticent War Against Femininity
A call to stop allowing divisions among women
They say women should hide their beauty, but I have never believed in hiding mine. I choose to celebrate it, to let my femininity breathe, and to display it at its fullest. Saturday night, I slipped into an opaque bodysuit, cinched my waist with a corset, paired it with dark denim, a simple designer belt, and booties that carried me with confidence. I even wore my hair curled and pinned up with gorgeous barrettes.
One of the best parts of being a woman is enjoying being one. Dressing up, applying makeup, doing our hair. But do you know that feeling, or recognize that snarky shift in energy from other women, when you choose to dress up? What often follows is the judging with the eyes and the whispered criticisms.
Ever since we were children, society has told us to shrink. To cover what nature gave us. To dress in ways that mute our shape instead of celebrating it. If you have a fuller bust, hide it. If you are curvy, drown yourself in loose fabric. From a young age, we are taught that our beauty should be contained, controlled, and softened until it is considered acceptable. Society instills the belief that the safest woman is the one who takes up the least space. We even get judged by some men. They criticize a woman for aging naturally, yet if she chooses to refresh her appearance or soften the map of time on her face, those same men judge her for that too. Worst of all, women often treat each other as adversaries instead of standing together as a united front. It is heartbreaking.
I have always asked myself, but why should we listen? Why should we shrink ourselves to appease anyone’s comfort but our own? We have every right to be seen, to feel alluring, and to take joy in our reflection. Embracing our femininity is not a crime. There is nothing wrong with honoring the power in our curves, the elegance in our form, and loving ourselves as the women we are. Guilt-free.
This leads me to ask one question.
Can we please lift each other up and embrace the beauty of being a woman, together, instead of tearing one another down or policing how we should look?
When a woman is enjoying being a woman, or is simply expressing herself, it becomes an invitation for scrutiny and competition. It needs to stop. We should be encouraging one another to express ourselves freely. We should be genuinely supporting each other without wondering if there is a hidden catch. We should be able to confide in one another without that lingering fear of betrayal. Being a woman comes with struggles, but it can also create unbreakable bonds and connections that are now rarely seen. A sisterhood that says the world may be a harsh place, but with me, there is no harsh place. The world is full of misery, but we should be each other’s comfort and safe space.
So, what do you think? Tell me, do you agree with me, or am I alone in this sentiment? Also, do you share the thrill of claiming your beauty as your own, or does the fear of judgement keep you from expressing yourself?
Let’s chat about it! Leave me a comment and feel free to share your experiences with me. 🖤
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Yes sister! You are so right!
But this is a tricky topic! There's no right or wrong answer to your question. Of course, we shouldn't judge each other based on appearance or self-expression, but it’s an illusion to think the way we act now will ever change that much. The outside is the first (and sometimes the only) thing we see of another person. So, appearance automatically becomes a kind of billboard.
I think what goes wrong isn't so much the impression we leave, but what the person does with it afterward. A very open-minded person won't judge anyone, but most people compare themselves to others. Accepting someone else for who they are is difficult for many because they see themselves as the standard.
But again, yes you are right, it would help a lot if we women didn't put each other down, but complimented each other instead of commenting.
Second - but now I'm taking it a step further - we will always remain physically weaker than men. That's just how it is, biologically speaking. And the reason I say this is purely protective. I live in a country where, unfortunately, femicide is commonplace. Relatively speaking, far more women are killed, raped, or assaulted here than in other European countries. As a woman, you start to look at yourself differently because you don't want it to happen to you. And because of that, self-expression and embracing yourself as a woman becomes less natural.